who am i

he doesnt even know me

we are together all the time

everyday

every night

i know him

i know everything about him

i know what he eats

i know what he drinks

i know how he feels

i do not know what pleases him?

he knows nothing about me

he does not know the thoughts that run through my mind

the darkness

the wicked thoughts

the terrible terrible thoughts

he has no idea

no idea what it is i need

he has no idea what it is i want

he has no idea what makes me happy

but

the question is..

do i even know who i am?

Why

why do things have to be so difficult?

why does it seem like the smallest things are huge?

why do i feel so unhappy all the time?

why do things seem so perfect but do not feel perfect?

i know that i am not attractive anymore

i know that i am too sensitive at times

i feel unwanted

i feel worthless

i feel like i am missing something

i feel like someone hit the pause button on my life

i want happiness

i want love

i want marriage

i want babies

i want honesty

i want commitment

i want to be honest

why do i feel like being honest is not the way to go?

why?

Diary Of A Nympho

How did I get here?

It started in the 11th grade.

He told me, "come on, just touch it".

so i did.

Why has my life become a sexscapade ( is that even a word )

I feel like I want sex more than anyone I know. More than a 19 year old boy.

Is this a bad thing. Is there such thing as wanting too much sex?

What is there even a normal amount of sex to have?

If he does not want it all the time, he doesn't love me?

Why do I have these thoughts. I have decided today, I am going to write a blog/diary novel.

About my life everything that led up to the way that I am now. Every dirty detail. Be prepared.