Ok so The President is Black

I had a talk with some White Folks today..
And it actually made a little sense what they said.
Its funny how Hollywood and all these Singers and Celebrities
are so supportive of our new president.
How everyone is Partying and Celebrating.
It took for a Black President ( who truthfully is half white and was raised my his white mother)
to bring people together. To get people to actually start caring about our country.
To get Black People to Vote! Black people never cared about voting before. Which means they really didn't care who led our country or what happened to it.

I mean its cool we got a Black dude in office .. but whats really going to CHANGE.
If anything I feel him being elected is a huge risk.

If he is assassinated It will be Civil War all over again.
This country will be torn apart.


Dont Judge me by any of the comments Above.. they are just thoughts..
Only one who will Judge me is God.. when I die.

0-60

Its funny how your emotions can go from one extreme to the next. One minute I can be feeling really positive about me and my life and just everything. Then just like that someone can set me off, or bring me down, or just throw me off my shit. You know. I really dont feel like talking much today. Why don't you all talk to me .. for a change..

What do you feel is your biggest flaw? And how to you overcome your insecurities?

Old Fashioned

So if you didn't know I live with my grandmother now, since granddad passed away. Whether I want too or not she and I have been having a lot of conversations lately. I have been telling her about how things are now and she has been telling me about how things were in the past. She has a hard time understanding why when I go out with a guy, I drive. I like the control of being able to leave when Im ready and the comfort of not being stranded. But then I thought about it, it would be nice to have a man come pick me up and take me out for a change. I mean thats how they did it back in the day. I guess that would step my game up and get me involved with a better class of men.
Lets do a little comparing.

Men I usually come across...
One night stands
After 2 a.m. bootycalls
Men without a car
Men that only want to fuck me
Men that don't have jobs (real jobs)
Men that live with thier parents


Now the men I should be after...
Men that will take me out on dates
Men that will call me during the day.. just to say hello
Men that I can go to sleep with without fucking
Men that have real jobs
Men that have a vehicle or home or thier own

Im pretty sure there are still men like that out here. I mean I hope that there is.

Although I want to be independant I also want to be
not so much a housewife .. but..
I want to wake my husband with kisses every morning, I want to get up and make breakfast. I want to surprise him with candle lit dinners and bubble baths after he gets off work.

I want to make babies and be a mother and have a real family.
And take vacations and go bike riding and go to museums and waterparks and beaches and just do the whole family thing.

*sigh*
I dunno...
Maybe times have changed. I dont think men want those types of things anymore.

Its My Bodyyyyy and I'll Tatt If I Want Too!!

Ok so I been gettin a lot of shit from grandma concerning my tattoo. The tattoo that she helped me design. And was cool with it .. up until the day I went to get it. WTF ? Its a full back tattoo, it isnt complete yet. Its actually pretty fuckin sweet lookin too. I will attach a pic here. But anyway, She been throwing lil shots at me like Im too old for that.. When does a person become too old for a tattoo, because If im not mistaken my father has gotten 4 or more tattoos in the last two years. Whatever, Its my body though. If I want to tatt it from head to toe that is my choice. Im actually contemplating on gettin a sleeve done next. Then she compares me to others.. Your sister would never get anything like that.. ok .. Im not my sister. When will people understand that I am an indidvidual. That I am capable of making decisions. That I am creative, and artistic, and Im not normal. Im not plain Jane. I will never be. I will always be different, I will always be unique, I will always be ME.

Just An Old Blog thought it was kinda funny

I'm feeling like a dork these days. Using my brain more than ever. lol. I usually don't need to . but people have been on my back about helping them with computer issues, and things like that.

Ok so yesterday at the bar (work) I went to the dollar store and purchased a notebook and began to write.. my thoughts are hella funny so I thought I would type what i wrote. Mind you, that most of it wont make any sense at all. ok ready .. here goes.

Alrighty then, So I have way too much going on in my little brain right now. I just started my new Job at the plant, D.T.P ( Ford Motor Company new Dearborn Truck Plant ) Im making nearly 22 dollars and hour. The work is hard all hell though. Im doing a 100% turn around. Well Im going to at least try. Paying my own rent, bills, insurance and all my other shit. Everyone has always doubted me, Its almost a chance for me to prove them wrong.

Im mainly worried about my personal life, I think Im really trying too hard to look for love. They say you shouldnt look for love though they say it will find you. If that is true, then why cant love find me, am i hiding? I want to be happy, I want a family and I want to settle. And truthfully I believe that all the men in my life arent ready for that nor are they even looking for that. So its damn near pointless. a waste of time. And with my taste and my lifestyle, I need a man that has his shit together, someone smart, with goals, with a job, and someone who treats me good and respects my feelings. Someone who doesnt already have a woman! Someone who can satisfy my needs as a freak ( lol) and as a woman. I mean I gotta get mine, ya feel me? Then men now a days arent about shit. The worst of them seem to fall into my lap. I dont know what it is that attracts me to Mr. Wrong, Mr. Dummy, Mr. Asshole, Mr. Aint Shit, Mr. I Got A Woman, and Mr. Broke Ass. I mean like there is a sign on my forehead that says "Pick Me, I will Settle For You" Let me break down the type of men in my life now.

Ok ... Mr Dummy/No Dick

* No dick (gives head well though)

* Gives me whatever I want (even if that means not paying his bills)

* Cannot manage money

* Is a pushover, not aggressive at all

Then we Got Mr. I Got A Wife/Woman

* Sex is Bomb (great physical attraction)

* Cannot spend the night

* Cannot go out to every place you want to go (fear of being seen)

* Its not all about Me

* Share time with her

* He never answers his phone

Oh I almost forgot about Mr. Im Drunk What's Up

* Calls in the middle of the night

* only have drunken sex ( usually falls asleep after first nut)

* wont remember why or how he got in your bed the next morning

* usually he has a woman also

Then we have Mr. Right, but not Right Now. a.k.a Afraid of Commitment

* Sex is when he wants it

* He can do whatever he wants .. but you cant. (ex. hanging out)

* You do everything you can to make him happy, but its never enough

* He has no regard for your feelings

* You know that he loves you and cares about you, but will never express that.

I mean really what does a girl have to do to get a good man now a days. Someone who wants her who cares for her... blah

What most worries me is the men that are going to be using me once he finds out about my job. And I already know who the first candidate for that is going to be. Im sure Im making more money than his wife is now. and I dont have any kids. I mean honestly, what nigga can deny Good head, pussy, and no kids. Thats some straight up rare shit these days. well.. that is all

I know.. i got issues yall... but you love me...

smooches.

EVIL?

what do u see in my eyes?
dont they just look dark?
My eyes are empty

they almost put u n a trance

eerie
some say confused...
but... isnt confused an excuse .. for reality?

some say pain...
how can you really see pain in someone's eyes..
They don't know me! They don't know what I feel.


Beauty .. some say ...

i think.........

i think its pure evil..

if bad things make me feel good...
isnt that evil?

the more difficult the situation the more gratifying..
isnt that evil?

if i am not supposed to do it..
i want to do it bad...
isnt that evil?


its hard to convince myself that i am still beautiful.
and still admired.
and still wanted

but why do i have to convince myself.. ??

what if i dont have a purpose?
you know how everyone has a purpose in life..

what if i dont have one..??
whats the point??

they say you have to love yourself...

what if i dont?

who's to judge me?

Shopping... should be fun .. right?

I Love New Things. I Love New Clothes. I Love New Shoes.

I HATE...............THE MALL!!!


Ok, so here we are me and my sister at the mall. There are probably say 100+ stores in the mall and out of them all. Only say maybe 4 stores have clothes that fit me. Skinny girls think they have a hard time finding something to wear. Please! If I could wear skinny girl shit, I would have no problem finding cute clothes to wear. No problem.

Oh and dont go into a skinny girl store without a skinny girl either.
here is a story. . . .
So, I went to the mall for my sister to buy her this dress she wanted. Cool. No problem sis.. So I walk into BEBE. Of course all eyes are on me. The girls are obviously thinking. "what is she doing in here, there is nothing here to fit her" but their confused looks turned into smiles and they asked me could they help me. I responded with yes I am looking for a dress.. for my sister.. The girl says.. ooooooooohhhhh .. ok.. well... [im going to stop there] *HOLD UP* wtf was all the ohhhhhhhhh for? Like I was lost or something. Like ohhhh now she understands why my fat ass is in here.


I mean, most skinny girls say well its my own fault. Or ok just lose weight. Dont you know if it were just that simple there wouldnt be as many fat people in this world. Over-Eating is an emotional disorder and an addiction. The more weight you gain the more emotional you become.. so the more you eat.. So is Over Drinking.. which also cause weight gain [and is my biggest problem] You drink.. you are happy at first.. then become depressed then become hungry. Whatever the case, most weight gain is caused by some kind of emotional stress.


Ok back to the shopping. Like I said, I Love To Shop.
Its just not fun anymore.
I cant wait to get this weight off me.. I swear..
Imma tear the mall down! lol

Everyone Is Not My Friend

This is something I have always had a hard time with. For as long as I can remember I have always put my trust in strangers and other people outside of my family. Usually it ends up bad in the end. I get double crossed, hurt, or cheated in some way. I have had people use me. I have had people take advantage of me. I have had people run over me. I have had people steal from me. Ok, so some people say I'm dingy, or not really that bright, or gullible. All these thing may very well fit my personality in some way but, I am no ones fool. Yes, my zodiac sign is a Cancer (Nurturing, Loving, Caring, TOO NICE) Time for me to get smart. This year its time for me to weed out the people in my life that are not out for my best interest. The people that only call when they need something. The men that call at 2 a.m. on the weekends. The friends that are never there when "I" need them, but I am always there for them.
Everyone Is Not My Friend.
I Get It Now.

Serious Discussion *lol*

Krissy:thinks that Dora the Explorer should stop making promises that she can't keep. Stupid bitch.

Alonna:its the map its the map its the mappppppppppp... i think the map and boots are a bad influence on Dora.. She should really start kickin it with Swiper .. he seems mad fun!

Krissy:Boots is a sex offender. I mean seriously. Who wears rubber boots when it isn't raining???

Alonna: lmao @ sex offender. And Rescue Pack shits on Back Pack! Have u heard him spit?!

Krissy:Yeah Rescue Pack is definitely way more talented. But Diego... we'll save him for another day. And his useless ass sister.... sigh.

Alonna:lmao! Go To Bed!

Brandi:Ya'll goin stop goin hard n my girl though. You know that's my baby's BEST FRIEND!!! Did you know they make Dora EVERYTHING!!!LOL.

Krissy:Your baby needs to make some new friends Ms Brandy Wine!!

When Dora suddenly starts instructing your children to go loading up in spaceships and taking intergalactic trips without asking a parent for permission first then come talk to me about how great she is.

OH WAIT!!! She already has done that episode!!

Brandi:u just mad u did t think of that. You need to find her and let her put you on her payrole! She's some talent you can represent!LOL

Alonna:Its more than obvious that Dora is also a Cult Leader. She goes around claiming to be everyone's best friend. Then what? when its time to cross that river to deliver those packages someones going to have to take the fall.

Krissy:Alonna ..... LMFAO lol lol lol
I been watching The Wire all day so that just about made me choke lol lol lol

Fat Girl

I suppose its like being drafted from a winning team to a team that always loses and no one follows. Or maybe its like a hit record with no more to follow * a one hit wonder * .
Or kinda like having the leading role then breaking your leg and giving it up to someone else.

I remember the Spotlight.
I remember when I could have any man I desired.
I remember all eyes being on me.
I remember having men fight for my attention.
I remember being adored.

Now who am I?
A has been.
A Once Upon A Time.
That girl in the background.

I mean, I suppose it has been a reality check for me. Maybe I had a big head, maybe I rode a high horse, maybe I was too big for my britches... *they fit me now* not funny.

Anyway. I am now. THE FAT GIRL
The girl who gets what she can. The girl who gets sympathy "hellos" and courtesy Hugs.

Not for long. Time to get my life back. Not for the attention. Not for the Spotlight. More so for my own self gratification. I miss my confidence, I miss the love of shopping, I miss the excitement of a night out, I miss being beautiful.