I suppose its like being drafted from a winning team to a team that always loses and no one follows. Or maybe its like a hit record with no more to follow * a one hit wonder * .
Or kinda like having the leading role then breaking your leg and giving it up to someone else.
I remember the Spotlight.
I remember when I could have any man I desired.
I remember all eyes being on me.
I remember having men fight for my attention.
I remember being adored.
Now who am I?
A has been.
A Once Upon A Time.
That girl in the background.
I mean, I suppose it has been a reality check for me. Maybe I had a big head, maybe I rode a high horse, maybe I was too big for my britches... *they fit me now* not funny.
Anyway. I am now. THE FAT GIRL
The girl who gets what she can. The girl who gets sympathy "hellos" and courtesy Hugs.
Not for long. Time to get my life back. Not for the attention. Not for the Spotlight. More so for my own self gratification. I miss my confidence, I miss the love of shopping, I miss the excitement of a night out, I miss being beautiful.
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Mz Lana! Although are paths have crossed and we don't keep in touch, i felt in my heart I should share this with you. I know the feeling you feel, I have felt it before... I know the pain you may hide, I have felt it before... The only way I was able to change anything was day to day. I changed my habits, the people I surrounded myself around, the places I went... I was miserable...but when I thought about it..I was miserable the other way... So I had a choice... and I chose ME! You choosing you is most important. You are young, talented and beautiful. Your goals are not hard to obtain. Within 6 months you could be back to a more comfortable you.. Change comes from within and if it's strong enough .. the outside will reflect the inside. I wish you the best and if you need anything, I'm here... Praying your soul is uplifted in 2009 and you have more happiness than your heart can contain.
ReplyDeleteJD
I agree with your previous commenter. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I understand what you mean when you speak on how you feel you "used" to look. But you are beautiful, now. I know, I know...tired of hearing that you have a pretty face. Well, you have to have the confidence that accompanies that pretty face. Maybe you think you are "taking what you can get" because you don't SHOW that you are still worthy of men fighting over you. I know that physical appearance is a big deal for men and you feel like your weight is hindering you from getting the man you want, but I assure you confidence is a big part of it. Whether you are a size 4 or 24, you better know you are beautiful and worthy of the best God has for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm about to contradict myself here. Because I've felt the same as you for 9 years now. But, I must say the absolute truth! What makes you is not your looks. Men are attracted to your personality and guts. You are STRONG in so many beautiful ways, yet, you don't see that you are a priceless gem. In many ways I wish I had your strength and guts. Im a witness that we're not sad and lonely because we're 'overweight'. We're overweight because we're 'fat'~ definition: Feeling Alone Tremendously. But, we need to love and take care ourselves and everything else will fall into place. That includes the love and acceptance of others.... I love you
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